Shattered Heart and Soul
by TheCreativeOne17
Summary: Lucas is happily married and soon to be a father. When a tragic accident claims his wife and unborn child, he doesn't know what way is up. Recovering from his devastating loss, his friends and family surround him to help him carry on while being a single father.
1. The Night Everything Lost Meaning

_Hello All! Okay, for the record...I rewrote parts of this chapter to build more drama. _

_But anyway, its good to be on the site. I have had this idea mulling in my head for awhile and just need to get it out. Like my other stories, this will not be a love story. Sorry to disappoint. I have some ideas, but I am not sure how far I will take this. You're amazing support is always appreciated. Thanks again!_

Laughter vibrated the cherry red mustang as it drove down the empty country road. The night was a typical night for a summer in North Carolina. The air was hot, sticky, and humid. A simple plastic knife could cut through the heavy blanket of humidity. Crickets sang their sweet serenades into the night loud and clear for everyone to hear. Heat lightening danced across the sky making a breath taking display.

Lucas Scott sat behind the wheel of the mustang as he maneuvered it though the heavy air. In the passenger's seat is where the laughter came from. His wife, Kate, of three years sat convulsing in a pregnant induced giggle fit. She could not control the tears filling her eyes and falling out of the corners of her eyes. She snorted more then once which caused her to laugh even harder.

Lucas on the other hand sat straight faced with eyes forward on the dark road ahead. He had one hand on the wheel and the other holding his head. He could not muster to find amusement in what Kate thought was. He shook his head as she carried on.

In between spurts of giggles, Kate spoke "Come on Lucas, it was so funny!" as she wiped the corner of her wet almond eyes.

Rolling his eyes, Lucas replied with "Oh yeah, hilarious."

Lucas and Kate spent their evening at a dinner celebrating the many awards his newest book received. There were over a hundred people there. Lucas, who always had been gifted with a way with words, stood before everyone and delivered an acceptance speech. Standing before people had never made him nervous, but this one time, he fumbled through like a football player trying to make a touchdown while pushing through his opponents.

"I want to thank my head editor Mr. Grinch…I mean Greenwich" Kate brought chin down and mocked with a deep voice.

Shutting his eyes for a brief moment, Lucas's cheeks colored at the thought of calling the man who gave him the chance to publish a Grinch even though he really was one in front of him. He would often come home from meetings with Paul Greenwich and in frustration call him the Grinch. Kate had warned him several times not to call him that just in case something like this would happen. Lucas had not seen any harm in it. Till now.

"Or how about when you forgot your wife's name?" Kate inquired seriously even though she was anything but serious.

Yeah, Lucas would be kicking himself with that one for awhile. She was his wife and best friend. She had complete faith in him that this book would be an utter success and it was not because she was his wife. She was the type of girl to shut down something if she didn't see it going far. Kate believed in the book more often then he did. She would stay up at all hours of the nights inspiring him with whatever she could. She made cookies, talked him through his ideas with a whiteboard, and other crazy ways.

Kate alone made the book survive the rollercoaster of emotions Lucas had for it. One minute he would love it and spend every conscious moment on it. Kate would always be understanding when his devotion was obvious. One time he sat before the computer screen for an entire afternoon typing away as the words flew out of his head and through his fingers. He had lost track of time as the inspiration flooded his mind. Nothing could break his focus. Except for the squeak of the chair next to him as his wife sat down. He looked up slowly only wanting to have his attention diverted for seconds for fear of losing his flow. His blue eyes met with her browns which were accompanied by raised eye brows. Stupidly, Lucas looked back at his computer screen.

"I understand, you would rather get this chapter done then come out to see what the sexes of your future children are. I get it." Kate spoke calmly.

Lucas barely grunted in agreement when his eyes shot up. He looked up at his pregnant wife. She rested her small arms on the bulge of her stomach with a smirk on her face. Lucas let his head fall into his hands as his neck failed to hold it anymore.

"Oh no." Lucas groaned. "I completely forgot! I was totally lost in it and I…"

Tapping on a bright orange sticky note on the right hand corner of the computer screen, Kate interrupted "That's why I put this up here."

_Boy or girl? The big reveal at 2:00. _

Allowing another groan out of his gut, Lucas nodded. He had seen the note when he originally sat down. The inspiration took off immediately and he totally forgot about getting up to eat let alone to see the sex of his baby. Then he stopped. Did his wife just say sexes? He dropped his hands and looked her square in the eye. Kate allowed smile to come across her face as her husband picked up on the newest piece of news.

"Did you intentionally say sexes?" Lucas inquired almost afraid of the answer.

Shrugging her shoulders, Kate replied. "I might of. If you were there, you would have found out with me."

Dumbfounded, Lucas stared at her with his mouth wide open. That night they celebrated everything in twos. Two helpings of dinner and dessert. Kate was gracious enough to ask the technician put the sexes of the babies in an envelope so she could find out with her husband. A boy and a girl. They were absolutely elated that night.

Then there were other times where Lucas was ready to throw the whole laptop at a wall and call it quits. She would rub his shoulders knowing his tense body would relax. She made the book happen with her encouragement regardless of what it cost her. She would constantly make jokes. Somedays she called the book the other woman he spent his time with.

So when he forgot what his wife's name was in front of all people who made his book possible, including her, Lucas could not quite forgive himself. he owed every bit of success to her and yet he blanked entirely.

"If you tell Nathan and Haley this tomorrow at the BBQ, I will kill you." Lucas teasingly threatened knowing if Kate told them, the three would never let him leave it down.

Kate's face went completely straight. Her hands fell down to her stomach. "Did you hear that kids, daddy just threatened to kill us. First he forgets mommy's name and now he wants to kill us."

Lucas smiled. He loved her sense of humor. He loved her. He looked over at her. Kate's long almost black hair was tied in a long braid at her side. Her almond eyes sparkled with sliver and brown eye shadow. Even after five years of knowing her, the mere look of her caused Lucas's heart to skip a beat. His heart went to crazy when he first met her probably enough to concern his cardiologist but any man could understand the intense feeling a woman could leave a man.

Coming to a train crossing, Lucas slowed the mustang down. He looked down each side of the tracks seeing a bright light less then two miles away. "Well my lady, our midnight train is coming, shall we watch it?"

"I suppose we shall, might be the last time with just the two of us for awhile." Kate agreed rubbing her swollen belly.

Lucas turned off the ignition to the car, letting the keys drop, and put his arm around his wife's seat knowing there would be no cars at this time of night and the train would go for a long while. The two sat in silence and listened to the summer's orchestra playing its sweet tunes. The train barring down the tracks could be heard getting closer and closer.

"Did you know they are trying to pass an initiative where all the train crossings need to have those closing gates?" Kate asked.

Still looking straight forward, Lucas replied "Why should they? Everyone knows they need to stop when the flashers go off." As he finished his sentence the flashers in fact went off with ticking noise warning the train was getting closer.

Kate shrugged and Lucas took his eyes to look at her. She met eye contact with him with her eye brows popping up.

"I love you. You know that right?" Lucas inquired.

Making a silly confused face, Kate responded "Hmm…backtracking from the threats of murder now are we?"

Lucas laughed. "Yes, you could say that." He leaned to kiss her but headlights flashed behind them blinding them.

As Lucas went to curse the driver for having their brights on, the car slammed at full speed into the back of his car. Both Kate and Lucas heads lurched forward as did the car. Lucas lifted his head back up as his neck cracked. He rubbed the back of his neck at the feel of whiplash. Another bright light blinded him, but this time it came from the right.

That's when it hit Lucas like someone had smacked him across the face. Their car had been pushed right on the train tracks. The train belted out a loud blare of its horn. Lucas measured it only a quarter of a mile away and moving rather fast. He could only hear the sound of the training running down the tracks and the screams of his beloved. His only thoughts were paralyzed under the fear and agony of what would happen in a matter of minutes.

"Get us off the tracks, Lucas!" Kate's sharp voice brought him back to the cruel reality. The reality that needed him to do something.

Lucas fumbled for the keys to turn on the ignition. He could not find them there. Sweat beaded his forehead. His heart hammered harder than a hundred members of a drumline. It pumped so loud he could hear it louder than the upcoming train.

"They fell on the ground! LUCAS HURRY!" Kate screamed.

Lucas knelt his head down to grab the hiding keys and hit his head on the steering wheel. The hit made him pause for a second, but the roar of the enclosing train made him hurry. Knowing he wouldn't pick up the keys in time, he yelled,

"Get out of the car!"

Looking towards the love of his life, Lucas was blinded by the bright light. After pushing his door open and getting half way out, he went to grab Kate's shoulder and pull her towards his door when the train made contact with the car. The sickening crunch of the metals colliding screamed loud into the night. The force of inertia of the train pushing the car down the tracks made Lucas fall out of the car. He tumbled down a small ditch.

The last sound Lucas heard was the sounds of twisting metal and screaming. He could not tell it was both. He did not even realize the screaming was coming from him. Before he realized it, everything went black.


	2. The Shattered

Minutes later, or what felt like, Lucas woke up to a dark quiet room. His eyes slowly opened as if there was an immense weight on top of them. He felt like he woke up from a deep sleep and one awful nightmare. It was too horrible to even let his conscious think over it. He definitely wanted to lean over and kiss his beautiful wife.

Lucas proceeded to turn his body off his back and to his side but something pulled at his arm. It felt like it was digging into the middle and in his skin. As his body woke up, pain radiated from various parts of his body. His head throbbed. His right leg sat straight as possible and propped up. He felt like his throat was made of sand and rocks. Every time he swallowed it had been immense effort. It took even more effort to keep his eyes opened for more than a few seconds.

"Kate," he called out weakly.

His lack of strength in his voice, caught Lucas off guard. He must have had a bad cold or the flu. Probably the flu since it explained the achiness and the feverish feeling that encompassed his whole being. He tried sitting up but his eyes grew heavy again.

"Kate," mumbling this time.

Haley Scott, Lucas's best friend and sister in law, sat up from her husband's arms. She rolled her head to both sides and let her neck crack. She blinked a few times and placed the warm bundle of pink blankets into her Nathan's arms after nudging him awake. She wrapped her thick sweater around her and walked over to Lucas's bed side.

The sight of him, something Haley had seen over and over again, the past four days still had the power to make her heart stop. He had a thick bandage wrapped around his forehead and his right leg wrapped around with a massive cast had been propped up by a pillow. He had a breathing tube resting between his nose and mouth. He had a plethora of tubes coming out of his arms and hands. She hated seeing her childhood best friend so frail looking.

"Hey," Haley replied softly.

Lucas's eyes slowly opened at the sound. He brought his eyes upward to see his best friend not his wife. He could not explain and or understand why she was in his room. Why did she come to his side and not Kate?

Lucas painfully gulped. "What's going on?"

Haley's big chocolate brown eyes covered in a shield of tears. She was very relieved to see him conscious, but she knew it would bring him more heartbreak then he could ever imagine. She had no idea how to tell him that the love of his life was killed instantly in the accident.

Staring down at his bed, Haley choked out the words "Lucas, Kate and you were involved in a very serious accident. You were hit by a train and …"

She could not finish the sentence. A hard rock formed in her throat. Tears fell down her cheeks. she blinked her eyes several times trying to rid the tears, but new ones flooded in. She went to speak, but nothing came out. She had rehearsed a hundred different ways to tell him the news, but now they had all vanished.

There is simply no delicate and or good way to tell someone that they had lost their one true love. Haley knew it would absolutely devastate Lucas. He loved his wife with so much intensity. She had never seen love like theirs. If having such an incredible love created so much emotion for him, what would taking it away be like?

Nathan stood up beside her. He handed her the swaddled pink. Once she took in her arms, he placed an arm around her. He could not let her deliver the heart wrenching news. It was his brother. Watching his older brother's fearful face also had him unable to speak. Nathan remembered the day Lucas came over to tell him he had met the girl he was going to marry. The man could barely get the words straight he talked so fast. He hardly sat down. He was so excited.

Crushed. Devasted. Paralyzed.

Those words were so minor to how Lucas was going to take the news. So how does a younger brother go about telling his brother? He went to open his mouth when the door to the hospital room opened after a light knock. All three adults looked up to see a doctor walk in.

"Hello everyone!" he greeted.

"Okay, can someone tell me what's happening?" Lucas inquired with apprehension.

The doctor took his big grey eyes and looked up at Haley and Nathan. When Nathan shook his head, the doctor knew no one had told him anything. He turned around and pulled a stool up. He sat down in it and looked Lucas right in the eye.

"First off, my name is Dr. Joseph Macomb." He replied with a light hearted introduction. Then his face became serious. "A few days ago, your wife and you were involved in a train accident. Some car rear ended your car and pushed onto the tracks. The train hit the right side of your car. Somehow you were able to get out of the car. You did manage to break your leg in about three different places."

Fear swallowed Lucas as if it had been a large monster. The look on the doctor's face along with Nathan and Haley's, who had both since sat down, terrified him to his core. He brought his gaze back to the doctor hoping the news would not be too bad.

"Your wife, however, was killed almost instantly." Slowly the doctor delivered.

Everything stopped. Everything. Lucas, within the matter of seconds, found everything in life has ceased to matter. His once bright and colorful world had turned to deep shades of black and white. Kathryn Hope Scott was his entire life. Now that she was gone, his life was over.

Lucas's eyes flooded with tears. He bit on his bottom lip as it quivered. His heart ached with the most intense pain. The pain his HCM gave him when overexerting himself could barely hold any pride in matching how he felt. This is a pain no medicine can treat. This is a pain that plunges one into the deepest dark places of the mind and soul.

As grief ate him whole, a piercing cry wailed into the silent room. The sound caused everyone to jump in their seats. Haley stood up and attempted to rock the crier back to sleep.

"You should also know, Lucas, that one of the babies did die along with Kate." Dr. Drake added on.

Lucas then had remembered his wife was pregnant. His heart twisted at the thought of their happy family they were so excited to create had disappeared right in front of him. More tears ran down his face as the wailing continued. The noise penetrated through his head causing piercing pain with every decibel of the cry.

"Can you make it stop?" he snapped.

Everyone at that moment stopped. Nathan quit fidgeting with a pink afghan's fringe, the doctor from rocking on the stool, and Haley from rocking the screaming baby. Even the baby stopped its shrieks. Haley walked over to Lucas's bed side.

"By _it _do you mean your daughter?"


	3. The Rolling Storm

_Hello all! Thanks for the reviews. Just so you all know this isn't your typical Lucas/daughter fic (at least it shouldn't be). It will have some various twists. Just stick it out and see. I won't drag it out unnecessarily either. Anywhoo...here you are Chapter Three..._

* * *

A gigantic storm rolled in and hovered over Tree Hill. Thick heavy grey clouds covered the sky like a heavy blanket suffocating all below, well more like Lucas Scott. Ever since he lost his wife the week before he felt lost in a heavy fog. Life had no more meaning without her. In and out of the hospital, he spent his time sleeping. If he was not sleeping, he stared out to oblivion. There was one thing he refused to look at.

His daughter.

Lucas could barely muster the strength to hear her cries let alone look at her. When his mother first saw her, Karen claimed the little baby looked like her mother. Karen thought Lucas was sleeping when she said this to Haley, but Lucas merely pretended. It got old fast looking at everyone's pitiful eyes, their pathetic explainations why things happen, or their blatant disregard for a man's privacy. Lucas heard what his mother said about his child. He vowed not to look at her until he was ready.

It had been a week and he still wasn't ready. Luckily for the baby and him, Nathan and Haley let them move into their house until they could face life alone. Haley had been a summer vacation had time to look after the baby. Lucas was strictly told not to worry about a thing. He slept in their guest room and hardly venture out of it. Today was the first day he would get outside since the horrible day.

Lucas sat in a chair buttoning up his grey shirt. His fingers moved slowly. Once done, he reached over the dresser in front of him and grabbed the tie sitting there. He wrapped it around his neck and made contact with the mirror in front of him. He froze. The man staring back at him looked like grief and its horror had beat him up. His dark blue eyes had descended a depressing grey like his shirt. As he tied his tie, he froze yet again.

Kate urged Lucas to wear that tie the night of the accident. He turned it down for some dumb reason. She pushed him to wear it. He got agiated. She backed off. Lucas inwardly kicked himself for being a jerk to his wife just six hours before she was taken away from his world. A stray tear fell down his cheek.

Just as Lucas took his back hand to wipe it away, Haley came into the room. Her rich dark brown hair was tight with curls. She had a tight long black dress. She came up behind her best friend looked at the mirror he was looking at.

"You about ready?"

Lucas slowly nodded. He looked down and stared at his wedding ring. He blinked incessantly as he fought the tears. He looked up to see his best friend with her own tears in her eyes watching him breaking down. Lucas pasted a fake unsure smile on his face but when her face did not change, he shakily spoke.

"I'm twenty three. How am I supposed to be ready for this?"

It was true. It's what made him ache the most all day. Twenty three year old married couples were supposed to have their lives ahead of them. Lucas had big plans for Kate, him, and their future family. How was he supposed to forsake all that by going to a funeral for the one who was supposed to be by his side every step of the way?

Lucas's eyes betrayed him and gave up the heavy weight of water in his eyes. The tears came pouring down with or without his permission. Haley bent down and wrapped her arms around Lucas still standing up. They sobbed for what seemed like hours. Lucas rested his forehead in the nape of her neck and let the tears roll.

Not even an hour later they stood at a grave site.


	4. Grief like the Cold

Not even an hour later they stood at a grave site. The wind that ran through the small town had been chilly; the kind of wind that finds a way to go past layers of clothing, thick skin, and find solace in bone. Once the wind had found shelter inside there was no amount of layers or warmth that could rid it. Every attempt had been futile.

Much like grief.

About a hundred people came to give their respects to Kathryn Joy Scott's beautiful life. Stephen and Mary Dawson, the people who brought Kate out of South Korea to give her a home, sat to the right of Lucas. Her brothers, Patrick and Nicholas, both adopted as well from the same country, sat on their other side with their wives behind them. Haley and Nathan sat behind Lucas. Haley held onto the baby trying to keep her warm from the cold grief swarming the atmosphere.

Lucas sat staring at the coffin in front of him made of Mahogany wood. The only reason he actually knew what kind of wood it was called merely, because Kate had dragged him to a flooring store a month ago. She made him sit through explanations of the pros and cons of different styles of wood by a rather unexcited salesman. Kate jabbed Lucas subtly in the side when Lucas would look as if he was about to nod off with the salesman.

Suddenly, he longed for the jab. Not even the jab, but her touch. The touch that still years later had the power to make his hairs on his neck go rigid and run through his blood like electricity. She always touched him whether it was through hugging or holding him. Sometimes she would be walking past him as he sat hunched over the computer and she would let her fingers graze his back.

There were so many things Lucas longed to have back, her touch being on the list. He knew as time went by he would realize all the things he took for granted would never be there. That reason alone he dreaded the passing of time. Currently his biggest fear had been going back to the house they built into a home together. He knew her smell would smack him silly upon entering. Memories would offer the same injury. All together their dream had become a nightmare. A nightmare did not even cover it. A nightmare is something someone can wake up from. It did not look like that was going to happen to him anytime soon.

The preacher spoke about hope through trials such as these. Lucas drowning in his ocean of grief barely could comprehend what the man said. He tried to focus, but then the sight of the coffin disrupted his attention. He just could not understand why it was not him in the coffin. Why could it have been? Kate's presence brought so much joy into everyone's life she touched. Whether that would have been the guy at the fast food drive thru or close friends and family. She brought light into every room she walked into with her energy and optimism.

Lucas had failed to bring anything like that and now without her, he surely couldn't.

The preacher at one point quit talking which prompted Nicholas to stand up in front of the crowd and talk about his older sister. While Patrick had been adopted from a different family three years before, Nicholas and Kate were from the same family. The two of them were left on a city bus, at four and eight months old, as they slept. Kate rose to the occasion like so many young ones had in their country and took care of her baby brother. They wandered around homeless and finding scraps to eat before an orphanage brought them in. The president of the orphanage found Kate asleep prompted up in an alley holding her sleeping baby brother tightly. Not even two months had past in their new shelter when a couple, unable to conceive, pushed for their adoption.

Because of how they started their first few years of life, Kate and Nicholas were very close. Nicholas insisted in doing the eulogy insisting he had known his sister the longest and that she had saved his life. He stood before the crowd clutching his notes with all his strength as he trembled. His eyes were covered in sea of water. His speech gave his older sister justice to its full extent.

"And Lucas," Nicholas slowly spoke bringing his brother in law to look up, "Know that she loved you so much from the day she met you. You were all she ever talked about. She saw so much in you. Take care of that beautiful baby girl knowing she is our last piece of Kate."

Lucas's eyes fell downward knowing he had not taken care of that last piece, let alone looked at her. He hated the fact that his daughter was the last piece of Kate he had, but Nicholas was right. Not many people who lose someone they love so quickly and violently get the blessing of having a piece of them.

Later that afternoon, Nathan and Haley opened their home for a luncheon for the guests to attend. With the food warm as well as the house with all the people who cared, there still ran an underlying level of cold. Lucas hobbled around on his crutches trying to make conversation with the guests. He failed miserably at responding or saying anything intelligible.

At one point, he saw the clock and realized he needed to take his pain medicine. He slowly limped back with his crutches making a sound with every step which went against his attempt to be invisible. He walked down the lonely hallway to the guest room when he heard noise coming from Nathan and Haley's room. For the first time since the accident, curiosity filled inside of him. He pushed open their door and saw his week old daughter laying in the middle of their bed surrounded by pillows.

Lucas looked around to see if Haley would run past him to take care of her. When she did not come, he put his crutches aside and limped over to towards the head of the bed. He slowly sat down on the bed hoping not to hurt the baby or his leg. He stared at the little thing in front of him. Her little arms moved around as her eyes slowly opened as she made grunting noises.

Lucas looked around and saw her pacifier right on the side of her. He picked it up and gently put in her mouth. Taking a deep breath, he scooped up the little girl in his arms. At first he held her out at a distance not knowing if his heart could take this introduction. He remembered though what his brother in law had said about her being the last piece of Kate so he drew her closer.

The baby's small eyes shifted around everyone. Her head was covered in dark hair with a lace head band around it and a big white flower. Her flat nose and dark eyes looked just like her mother which took Lucas's breath away. Both slowly and trembling, he brought his ring finger, still with a ring of vows around it, and touched her smooth face. The touch brought her eyes up to look at him.

The moment they made eye contact, Lucas's eyes filled again with tears. When the baby touched his face, the tears came down.

"Hey baby girl," he choked. "Can you forgive daddy for not meeting you right away?"

The baby sat there and listened more intently then anyone had in the past week. They stared at each other in silence with the occasional grunt from the baby. Lucas stayed locked in her big eyes. His own eyes watered feeling like he was looking into Kate's not more then a week ago. Their daughter had been absolutely beautiful and for the first time since the accident, he swelled with pride.

With the rising emotion, Lucas realized how much he had been beating himself for the death of his wife and unborn son. He felt like the entire accident was his fault. He should have been able to move fast enough to grasp the keys and get them off the tracks. For a man who once moved quickly up and down a basketball court bringing his team, with his brother's help, to a state championship, he should have been able to get those keys. He should have never stopped at the train at all. They should have driven right through and would have been safe in their bed by the time the accident happened.

Lucas realized just then the reason why he refused to meet the baby. While it was true he was afraid to see the spitting image of his wife, he was more afraid to look in the eyes of her spitting image, when it was his fault in the first place Kate was gone.

Tears rolled down his cheeks, "Daddy is so sorry. He is the reason mommy and your brother aren't alive. It's all my fault. I should have gotten us off those tracks. I'm so sorry. It's my fault one of the most beautiful creations is gone."

Lucas went to sob, but stopped himself. He sniffed and shook his head. The baby just stared up at him watching his every move. He realized Kate would have had a fit if he blamed himself for everything.

"Baby girl, we gotta move past this together, okay? Me and you. Daddy's little girl. That's what your mommy would have wanted."

The years rolled by fast.


	5. The Old Stranger

_Hello all- Forgive me for not updating. I had the majority of this chapter done for awhile now, but needed some time to wrap it up. Hope you like it. -_

The years rolled by fast. Life has a gracious way of allowing grief's hold to lessen as the days go by. There were days that hurt more than most. The firsts were always a bittersweet event. Christmas, first steps, first babblings into words, birthdays, anniversaries, first day at school were beautiful times, but were shared with sadness as well. The first year had to be the hardest. Finding a way to be able to provide for his little girl and yet have time with her was more than stressful. The long nights where she cried incessantly and he had no clue how to make her feel better.

They made it work though. Nathan, Haley, and other family and friends were very supportive. They would lend a hand as much as they could. Lucas never felt like he had to face raising his sweet Ava Joy alone. The only time he had a hard time would be the long dark nights alone. He would stare up at the ceiling or at the place where Kate would sleep. He would ache for the love of his life as the night hours went by. There were nights he would have Ava sleep with him so he did not feel so alone.

One day, six years after the accident, Lucas stood in his mom's old café. He ran it being that the schedule did not interfere with being a father. He would work through the school hours knowing he could not be home with the emptiness to greet him. When Ava finished with school for the day, one of the moms, usually Haley would bring her over. The little girl would find a chair to sit on and pretend she was helping her daddy.

Lucas stood behind the counter pouring a cup of coffee for a customer when the door clicked wide open and a bell announced an arrival. He looked up to see his beautiful daughter walking in. The little six year old shut the door behind her and turned around. Her long chocolate brown hair tied in two tight braids, some girl from school must have done, ran past her shoulder blades. She had on a bright orange shirt that had white letters that said "I don't need boys, I've got my daddy." she also wore dark blue jeans and black and white converse shoes.

Ava came over to the counter, jumped up on the bar stool, and dumped her back pack. "Hi daddy!" she greeted with euthuasium.

After taking the payment for the coffee from the customer and putting in the register, Lucas spun around to look at daughter. He squinted at her.

"Um, do I know you?" he inquired.

The little girl let a smile come across her face exposing two missing from teeth. "Daddy, it's me. Your daughter."

Lucas made a confused face. He brought his hand to his chin and rested his elbows on the counter in front of her. He studied her in a goofy way making her giggle.

"Are you sure? My daughter always greets me with a kiss when she comes in. You haven't-"

Just as he rambled, Ava leaned in and kissed her daddy on the cheek. Lucas's face lit up in a smile only she could cause. She was his whole world. He loved her more than life. "Hello Ava Joy! When did you get here?"

Ava giggled. "Daddy, you're so silly!"

Lucas smiled again at her statement. "What time did Aunt Haley say we should come over for dinner tonight?"

"6:00." The little girl responded eagerly.

Lucas nodded as he peered up at the clock. They had about an hour and a half before they would have to leave the café to make it Nathan and Haley's in time. Lucas looked forward to the dinner. He always did. Anytime with his brother, his best friend, and nephew was a guaranteed a great time. They would laugh the night away, especially when Jamie and Ava would do their annual comedy show.

"Listen buttercup! I need you to do some of your reading before it gets too loud in here." Lucas instructed the little girl by pointing her to an empty chair.

"Yes, daddy." The girl replied and slipped off the chair.

Ava scurried over the table her dad pointed out after grabbing her back pack. She instantly sat down and dove into her books. Lucas encouraged her reading early on. So she be could smart, like her mom. As he beamed with pride looking at her, a customer walked in breaking his concretion.

Without looking, Lucas whoever just walked in. He limped slightly around the corner towards his daughter. The limp was because of some left over damage that did not heal after the accident. Honestly, Lucas appreciated the limp somedays. It reminded him not only what happened, but he did not get off free like the other driver did.

The person not only slammed into the Scott's car at fifty miles per hour, but like a coward drove away upon impact. More often than not that fact alone made Lucas's blood boil. The person not only contributed to the most horrendous moment of his life and took his wife and his daughter's mother and twin away, but they drove away from it. Lucas promised many times at Kate's grave he would not let the driver get away with it. How could he though? He had no lead to who it was.

The limp reminded him daily of what had happened. Sometimes it caused extreme pain if he pushed himself too hard. Lucas needed the pain for a reason he would never admit out loud. The pain punished him for letting that car stay on those tracks. He knew if he told anyone that's how he viewed it or that reason alone he choose not to get strong pain killers to dull it or he had flat out refused a surgery that could fix it, they would tell him he was being ridiculous. Ridiculous to him was allowing his family to lose their heart and soul.

Lucas had been so deep in thought, he had not realized that stopped to rub his throbbing leg over and over again. His top teeth were biting on his bottom lip so hard. The spinning thoughts captured him like a tornado destroying everything in sight including him. Most of the time when he allowed his thoughts to swallow him like this it was late at night. They ravaged through him like a violent storm and left him powerless to do anything, but let them overtake him.

"Lucas?" a familiar voice called bringing him out of the current storm.

Lucas blinked a few times and brought his eyes to the direction of the voice. He found a familiar curly haired and scrawny frame. His eyes met with forest green eyes. He could not believe his eyes who he was looking at. The only one that would be more of shock would be…well, he did not need to go there in his mind.

"Peyton." He blurted. "Hi."

The two stared at one another for awhile. It felt like eternity since they had seen each other but at the same time it felt like yesterday. They shared an intimate history. Kate knew all about it. She begged him to introduce her to the woman who introduced him to some of his music she personally did not care for. He promised he would introduce her next time Peyton was in town which never happened. Till now.

"Hello Lucas." The woman replied softly studying the man in front of her.

He surely was not the man she had last seen over a decade ago. Yes, he still looked good as ever. She could not place it though. He looked tired. Worn out. Like life had beat the snot out of him in a few boxing matches. She looked down at his hands and found his ring finger empty. Funny, she thought she had heard he was married. As she looked down at this hand, he felt her looking at it and dug it in his pocket.

Lucas took a step closer to her. The pain from his leg radiated up his body and caused him to draw a quick breath. Trying to remain focused on his reunion, he inquired "What brings you back to the good ole' Tree Hill?" as he rubbed the pain away.

What a simple question, but not with an easy answer. Peyton did not want to have their reunion start with her usual depressing life bleeding through. Instead, she shrugged as her blonde curls bounced.

"Can't a girl visit her hometown?" she spoke a little more defensively then she had meant to.

"Oh sure, just that you have not been around in a long time. Thought you had forgotten about us hillbillies out there in California." Lucas half teased.

Part of him was teasing. The other part was serious. He did feel forgotten by a once good friend. Though he knew nothing could happen to them again, he wished she would have been around to help him through the agony of his life. Haley made sense of his life most of the time, but Peyton Sawyer had a talent to say the right thing a 100% of the time.

Peyton had been almost offended by the statement. She had her reasons she had stayed away for so long. For him to assume she had forgotten about her home was the furthest thing from the truth. Sometimes it was all she could think about. Her life and its complexities kept her 2,546 miles away. She had no choice now and she hated every minute of it.

Before anyone could say anything, a little Asian girl came up to Lucas with a large book in her hand. She held it up to him breaking his focus off Peyton and on her.

"Daddy, what does this word say?"

Lucas looked intently at the book. As he looked at it, the little girl studied Peyton. She did not know the strange woman talking to her daddy. She probably was another customer. She did not give it much thought but instead looked back at her father.

Lucas worked through with her on sounding out the word. His blue eyes came to life as they interacted. The little girl laughed as he poked a joke at her. They both had wide spread smiles on their faces. She envied the happiness they shared. They looked like nothing could bring them down. Then Peyton started to wonder where this little girl's mother was if Lucas did not have a ring on his finger. She could not picture her once good friend going through with a divorce, but anything was possible.

As the little girl went back to the table, Lucas ran his hand through her hair. He watched her go back to the table and read for a few, what seemed like eternity, seconds. Peyton saw a look come across his face that she could not place. It was a mix of guilt and happiness. Why would he look like that way?

Lucas loved his daughter more than anything or anyone in the world. He would give her anything, but one thing. The life of her mother and her brother Keith. He punished himself for that all too often. Whenever they went to the park, Lucas would catch his sweet baby girl looking onto a child playing with their mother. His heart ached at those sights. He wanted more then anything for her to have a mother figure in her life. Sure, Haley had definitely been the best substitute. Lucas wanted Ava Joy to have someone's undivided attention though. What he really wanted was for Ava to have Kate in her life. The woman would have absolutely delighted in the girl. There was moments, more often then not, Lucas caught himself smiling. He knew in those moments how much Kate would have treasured that moment.

Lucas shook his head and focused back on Peyton. "Sorry about that. That's my um…"

"Daughter?" Peyton finished the sentence for him.

"Yeah."

Peyton let a small grin come across her face. "What's her name?"

Lucas caught the grin on his face like it was a contagious disease. "Ava Joy Scott."

Peyton let the smile grow bigger on her face. What a beautiful name for a beautiful little girl. The two of them turned their gazes off each other and looked at her. The little girl sat at a table with several books on the table she sat at. Her legs dangled from the chair unable to touch the floor. Her little feet bounced to the beat of the classical music playing in the room. Feeling the intense stares of both the adults, Ava looked back at them.

"What?" she asked as if she was guilty of something.

Both adults laughed. "Nothing beautiful. Just watching you work real hard on that book." Lucas explained. As he turned to look at Peyton again, he brought his eyes back on his daughter. "Ava this my friend Peyton Sawyer."

"Hi Ava." Peyton greeted rather shyly.

"Hello. " Ava responded twisting one of her braids with her fingers.

Once the introduction was over, Ava went back to her reading and Lucas looked back at Peyton again. Something was not right. Her face looked etched with a permanent sadness. Her once bright and vibrant green eyes were foggy. He began to truly wonder what had brought her back to Tree Hill. It was not a random visit. Lucas did not mind her coming back at all, but it intrigued him.

"What were we saying?" he questioned.

Peyton made a quick thinking face and then realized it. "You were accusing me of not caring about you 'hillbillies'?"

Lucas slightly laughed, but upon seeing Peyton's straight face he straightened up. "Sorry. You haven't been back here in a long time. Beginning to think you forgot about us."

Forget. That was the last thing that Peyton had done. There were far too many sleepless nights staring up at the ceiling, zombie like days were she did the same mundane thing, and her thoughts were never far from Tree Hill.

Seeing her face beginning to pain at the accusation, Lucas cleared his throat. "Let's try this again." He brought his voice to an excited level. "Peyton Sawyer! How are you?"

Peyton allowed a smile to crack through her face. "I'm doing just dandy, how are you Lucas Scott?"

"Oh, same old, same old." He responded. "Can I get you a cup of coffee?"

After she nodded, Lucas zipped around the table to get it. Peyton watched him limp away. Was that a recent injury? So much she did not know. It kind of killed her that so many details of her friend's life were a mystery. Why was he limping? Why wasn't he wearing a wedding band? Who was his daughter's mother? What right did she have to know everything though. Like he had said, she had not been around. She had no right to know.

"Do you still like your coffee the same?" Lucas called behind the counter.

Peyton felt her heart jump a little at the fact he remembered how she liked her coffee. Quickly though she rejected the excitement, who could forget such a simple order. "Yep. Black like my soul." She spoke dryly.

Lucas laughed. He missed her quick wit. As he reached for the pot, Ava asked "Daddy when are we going to Aunt Haley and Uncle Nathan's? I'm hungry!"

Again, Lucas laughed. As he poured Peyton's drink into a large Styrofoam cup, he peered up at the clock. "Well, we got about fifteen minutes."

"Can we go now?" the little girl pleaded.

Peyton approached the counter to receive her coffee from Lucas. She was glad and relieved to hear that Lucas still had Nathan and Haley nearby. She took the coffee from Lucas's outstretched arm, silently lipped thank you, and brought it to her lips.

Seeing her dad's uneasiness about going to her aunt and uncle's house, Ava added "Come on daddy!"

Lucas smiled at his daughter. "Hey Peyton, would you like to come with us? That is if you don't have any better plans."

Peyton shifted on her feet nervously. She had not seen Nathan or Haley or their son in years. How can you start up a conversation after all that time? She felt as if she did not belong to their little life.

"Come on, Peyton. We are just having dinner and hanging around their house. We do it all the time. And everytime, Haley tries to convince me to bring a date. You can be mine for the night. What do you say?"

Date? Peyton heard the teasing in his tone, but the word still made her nervous. She did not want her heart to get in the way. Not now. Things were far too complicated. Whether she liked it or not though, she felt her defenses waning. Especially, when she felt a little tug on her shirt.

"Please come. Aunt Haley is very nice. She likes to feed people. Plus, my cousin Jamie and I will be doing a magic show. You could come and see." Ava pleaded with her big chocolate brown eyes.

How could anyone say no to that? Peyton agreed. She knew she would come to regret it. being with Lucas had a way of entrapping you. You come away with wanting more. Not that she did not want more but rather, she did not deserve more.

"Okay, I'll come. It's a 'date'" Peyton relented sending a wink to Lucas.

What did she think she was doing?


End file.
